Originally posted by bettie
Whenever I read "Inability and Unwillingness to accept reality" i never understood how that applied to MY life. I guess that begs the next question, how does one become able and willing to accept reality? I find reality so painful it is unbearable, hence the "escape".
I have tried to seperate my gamble-free life from the drama filled secret life I still live. I see now what a big mistake that has been, even though it’s not been a secret here. I have tried to be as truthful as possible here, to do less would be pointless.
I feel fragmentated, like I have 2 or 3 split personalities. Sometimes I have no clew who’s showing up to run the show for the day.
(((Bettie))) I can so relate to those words above. I admit here to you that I have been sooooooo tempted to run to "take a break" etc. in the past week. Many many times it has been a close call. The pain bettie — it is important to realize to survive you must 1) reduce pain and/or 2) increase coping skills to deal with pain. What does this mean? Dealing — you have a relationship that brings you much pain over and over — what are you afraid of if you end that relationship? Could it be worse? My therapist actually asked me that when I said to her I could not divorce my husband —– she said why not? and what are you afraid of? and it was eye opening to say the least. We do have other possibilities — it is our fear and minds and our self doubt that block us from exploring what could be. Just awakening to know there are other possibilities is a start. Funny about the personalities too — at one time i counted eight for me lol. So i started naming them and talking to them — name #1Throwaway Baby — the child given up to adoption — Name #2 Stupid Victim Girl — the girl that trusted and was taken advantage of Name #3 Abused Woman — the woman that didnt think enough of herself to leave her abuser…….etc They are all part of me Bettie — but now I can understand and comfort them. I can help them be stronger — they couldn’t stop what happened — they didn’t have the skills or experience to do so — but they can now know that different paths can be taken — that different choices can be made and we can all be safer and happier and build new realities. Thank you for sharing today Bettie — it allowed me to share this here with you and in doing so helps me too. Sending good thoughts your way — let them in. Pumkin