Hi Guys,
Well Carole as I posted on your thread you re perfectly correct. Me, on the other hand, am perfectly insane. No new news there.
I’m sitting around with nothing to do.I pulled out my recovery work sheets, step 3. I am confused. I have been holding back info from my sponser. I do believe she thinks the fwb is out of my life and has been for a long time. I never said he was, she made the assumpion and I never corrected her. Now why would I do that? Easy. Because I would have to face the truth. It’s one of those "if you really knew me you would not like me" moments. Not sure how I will aproach this with her but I have a real need to. I find myself with many thoughts of gambling, smoking and eating. My exclusion at the native casino has expired and I could apply for readmission or do the right thing-and re up the ban for another 2 years. I am in danger and I know it. It’s the d*mn feeling sorry for self and not being truthful thats gotten me into the shape I’m in. I am depressed about the weight, I know thats part of it too. I am a mess mess mess mess!
The holidays are here and yet another year I have no one special to share things with. I’m in that funk-the one where you put on the happy face-while you just die on the inside-wanting to know why you are and have always been so different than the rest of the world. Sometimes I think I’ll do something differently the next time but there is no next time. This is it! I feel cheated.
I was going to decorate today but had 2nd thoughts. It’s a lot of work for no one to really see. I will put up the tree and hang the stockings. I was reading Jaysons thread and he mentioned a special stocking. Jen’s stocking was made by my dad. She was the oldest grandchild and the only one who has one made by grandpa. My dad taught her to drive. I remember warning him that she was not a good driver and to keep a close eye on her. He told me to shut up, she’ll do fine. When they got back I asked him how she did. "Fine, she did just fine." Years later she confessed she almost put the car in a ditch taking a corner. Thats a special grandpa-the one who doesn’t rat you out to your mom.
I think I’m a bit pms-sorry for the ramble!
peace
bettie
