In this life one should know who their friends are. On this Thanksgiving Day (US) I’ve had 5 hours sleep after having been stood up by the FWB. Went to sleep crying and woke up feeling the same way but u know what? I am greatful because I am finally getting it in my thick head that people can only treat you like cr*p if you let them. I deserve better, and I told him so in an angry text at 2am. That may not sound like much but it is a GIANT step for me, someone with the self esteem of an ant. There is no room in my life to let some one better come along as long as I keep holding on to this co dependent degrading relationship. I’m tired of being an afterthought. If I asked someone to color and cut my hair, free of charge of course, and they thought enough of me to bake me a treat and were expecting me I doubt I would have started drinking with my buddy and called and lied, "No, I’m still coming over" when in reality the drinking was more fun and importaint than the stupid idiot who’s trying to buy my affection. ( he owes me money too-I thought I had a handle on this co dependent behaviour-but as u can see I was wrong!)
Stick a fork in this turkey- I am done!
I really want a cigrette, I even considered going out at 2am to buy some but didn’t want the store clerk to see my red puffy eyes. Like the casino thoughts I had last night this craving should pass but still thinking I will smoke with my sister today. How stupid is that? I am also thinking about the Thanksgivings that my daughter and I drove from my Mom’s to the "boat". I miss that but again, that was in my pre CG days. No painful memories there. If I did that today it would truely be a disaster, and the new memory would be a nightmare.
So where are all my thankful things today?
My health scares-so far just scary.
My job, I have one.
My family-they make me seem less crazy!
My REAL friends-quality is better than quanity!
The roof over my head and the pets that share it with me. True unconditional love is a wonderful thing!
For all the wonderful recovery people who help me everyday. My sponser, GT, SH-just to name a few.
Of course, for all of you!
peace
bettie
