Hi CC,
I had a conversation with a friend a couple of nights ago. We were talking about relaspe-and why in the h*ll we would do it. I know when I went back out last year I had lost hope. After 16 months "clean" I had a momentary doubt, that everything I had done was a waste of time. Who the heck was I kidding? I was worthless, nothing was changing, that my life sucked.
I believe the reason we go back to the casino is because we are trying to recapture the "good" gambling days, when gambling was fun, when it was a friend, a date, something to do. I was never bored, as I was always trying to figure out how to obtain the cash this week so I could go have some "fun". Too bad when we relaspe the part we forget about, "the pain", thats now the only thing waiting there. The "fun" left us the day we became compulsive and crossed the invisable line.
Let me reassure you CC your progress is HUGE! I’ve know you almost 3 years now and I can see the growth in you, the maturity, the reasonable side, the non CG CC.
Don’t go hide. Don’t be ashamed. Every CG’s journey is different, some of us seem to hit more rough patches than others, some of us "get it" sooner.
You know "going away" from your thread will most likely lead to more gambling. I don’t believe you want or need it.
I for one am proud of you CC! Don’t run and hide. You need GT and WE NEED YOU!
love ya,
bettie
