This recovery is showing me the depth of my cg. Im out by myself today, i have a card full of money. (yes did all the accountable things with partner before i left home). I’m 2 min walk way from one of my frequently used “gambling holes” and NO i wont go gambling. Im having a coffee and going for a pedicure + buying groceries. Driving here i had the classic “I could go just once” thought turning up. my anxiety level was instantly rising, my face started to break out in a cold sweat, hands shaking and just at that moment i thought. NO stop the car and look at yourself this is exactly WHY i cant gamble, not once not ever. No person without a gambling problem would even get this “i can do this only once thought”
Once i found my own insight and truth, i started the car again and continued on.
This is recovery road is no easy road to travel but its the only one worth it for me. I do not want the life back that i used to live when i gambled. Urges come and go, it is what it is, i can never gamble again thats all there is to it.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.
