100 DAYS ……………….
Finally made it to 100 days. I am not sure how I feel really. I should feel elated and yet I don’t. Just glad I have stopped the cycle for this long and am hoping that with all my strength I will not fall into bad conditioning again….EVER. So what has changed. Well for one, its been a definite help writing on the forum and listening to everyones else on here trying to support each other. Secondly, I think I reached some level of despair that made me not want to go on with life anymore, I kept repeating the same cycle over and over and over. It was definitely killing me slowly mentally. When you read the stories the same as your own, you actually realise, its not just yourself going through this torture. We have all suffered to varying degrees. Its been a real stuggle at *****, but the biggest help of all has been my wife. We have put the barriers in place and it works. I know I could still access ‘things’ if I really wanted too, as I know the crafty deceptive, sneany cunning me still lurks inside eager to start again. But I just cannot go back, it would be my final nail.
My thoughts go out to all of you today. I hope BlueElvis is reading somewhere in the background and all the rest of you who have been so supportive.
I do know that I am slowly beginning to enjoy the simple things in life and do realise that gambling has only ever caused me hurt. So I have a cunning plan .
Keep reading on here from time to time and help others in whatever small way I can support them. Avoid money to the best of my ability as I will always be a Compulsive Gambler. See the good in people and ignore people who try to bring me down. Treat all people equally. Let nobody hurt me. try and never ***. Don’t hate. Never give up whatever the circumstances, there is always hope. Hold on when we think there is nothing else left in us, keep trying, ALWAYS !!
I do not know if I will gamble again in the future. I hope not and will use everything I have learned to date. Its still very early days in my journey, but I see the green shoots of hope. I will set myself a personal challenge to go to the West Coast of the USA next Sept/Oct and enjoy driving around and seeing new places with the sun on my face. That is something worth working towards and avoid gambling.
Take care all and keep fighting just ODAAT. Today I will not gamble.
Ed
