I get what ur saying Ican. ‘Working recovery so i will not gamble’- Sounds like a great plan to me.
Thinking about never gambling again can be daunting and to say to yourself "i can never gamble again"- its scary. And actually if i can share with ya – it doesnt help my psyche personally. Yeah logically i can reason that gambling will most likely result in what it ussually does- me spending too much money and disregarding limits of time etc and also will probably then lead me to want to gamble more to chase the losses and to keep the "buzz" going. (stay in the game) – This i can see easily and can accept that when i look back that is the pattern.
But my mind doesnt like to be told i cannot do something. Simply the way it is. So i have had to be creative and walk a thin line- I keep myself aware that yeah at anytime i can gamble- and remind myself of what will realistically result from it- and do i really want that outcome- or am i just entertaining a fantasy- and looking for the escape i used to get from gambling?
Funny thing is after we start recovery we cant seem to get the same escape from gambling anymore anyways- because we are aware of it and it simply doesnt work anymore. Just compounds the guilt more. (my experience from when i realised gambling was much more than just a little problem and everytime i had tried to stop or gamble responsibly etc- i found wen i did gamble it wasnt enjoyable and i had much more heightened sense of anxiety and even guilt- cos i knew it was damaging to what i was tryin to achieve?) if that makes sense.
Basically the main thing that works for me is that i want to see how great my life can become without gambling- i want to live it and experience it for myself- i want to face the challenges and the obstacles that i avoid when i gamble- and i want to grow and change and have my views and lifestyle evolve. I want to learn to live healthier and be the best ‘me’ that i can be. I want to discover the untapped potential – maybe? Basically get inspired to live the best life you can for yourself. Each day is another oppurtunity to develop a skill or learn something new- connect with another person- work on a goal – make a plan- fullfill a dream. Each day is another gift.
Make recovery fun! Make it a happy and exciting and rewarding place to be- make it how u want it to be- Be gentle with you and be proud to keep re-affirming your decision to stop gambling. Make yourself happy while u are not gambling is probably the most important thing u can do. Abstaining from gambling cannot feel like a puishment- or else it will not stick as a long term lifestyle change- who wants to feel deprived all the time?
wow sorry for the ramblings- just a few thoughts for ya cos you said u were struggling and needed support chicky- so hope ya feel better and can turn around ur thoughts a little and start enjoying your recovering. Its a process of blossoming- the blossoming is the process x
