Harry, you address some excellent points. I appreciate your input and certainly it helps to put things into perspective.
My issue has always been, "extra money" that I earn. I work extremely hard, sometimes 7 days a week, taking on work that perhaps I should pass on. I enjoy work and being busy, but in the back of my mind is the "extra money" will be my gambling money. The emotional, physical and social destruction of working all those hours for nothing after losing it all is something I want to avoid at all costs. I have to pay off my debts and destroy my credit cards. This is something I have always wanted to do and I am determined that I can do it. I am hoping to be clear off my debts within 6 months. How will I feel if I do this? Right now, fantastic, but I sense it might be a different feeling when it happens. Perhaps I am focusing too much on clearing debt and doing it too fast, but it provides me with a sense of purpose and control.
An interesting point about allowing myself to celebrate for completing a month without gambling. It’s a benchmark, something noteworthy, but I understand that gambling + celebrating don’t go together. I should look at a month without gambling as the norm and not make "special" reference to it.
Triggers, they will always be there, hard to avoid for a cg. I enjoy watching sports, still, even without gambling on them. The Masters is wonderful event and yes I did wager on it last year, among many other things. Did I pick a winner in my mind this year? Sure, and I understand it could have triggered me. I only watched the last 9 holes as opposed to the entire four rounds like I did in the past. I know I shouldn’t put myself in this position, but its like I want to prove to myself that I can control my urges. Spoken like a true cg!
Just read when I wrote……..maybe I am not doing as well as I thought I was! It maybe a month on Friday, but there are many signs that I could resort to gambling again.
Odaat…….
