Hi again.. another post. I have a cuppa in hand, its all that will fit in after an indulging lunch today but it was so worth it, took my mum and boy out to lunch and we had a great day full of food and chatter. Flopping on the lounge now and cant move again. I have bought a trial period for a gym so my lazy behind is going to have to use it and i start it next week. My body i am sure will be in the shock of its life. haha. I feel ok at the moment tired, full, kind of lazy and sunshiny today. Pretty good for the middle of winter. Im feeling relaxed and happy that gambling isnt part of my life today. I am making plans in my diary to go to a certain amount of meetings a week. I need to slot things into that diary because after work all i want to do is flop.. i think i need to avoid the lounge all together. I might need to say i wont sit on the lounge till a certain time because boy is it hard to get up once i sit down.. feeling really really tired but pleasantly happy right now. Going to go have a little read and relax. Worked really hard this week so i am enjoying this time. Taking my boy to the movies again soon. We have already been twice this holidays hehe..
I have to say its taken me a little while to adjust to not wanting to jump out of my skin all the time.. i was a bit like a caged tiger to begin with this post relapse.. not been able to settle and generally restless restless restless. I feel this afternoon the change is coming, im adapting to the gamble free life, its taken me a long time to let go of chasing that feeling.. i chased the feeling gambling gave me, the environment, just being there, but i dont chase the feeling of absolute disgust i have in myself afterward, i dont chase the pain and the mental unrest that i feel from it, i dont chase the absolute desperation that i felt with my last relapse. I dont chase the feeling of wanting to die.
P
