Hi Blue
I find that reading CG posts give me an insight that I could never have had when I was living in the shadow of the addiction. I have, however, heard your words before, spoken by my CG who has changed his life. He did have sheer enjoyment, he did sacrifice everything for that enjoyment but it turned him into a person he didn’t want to be.
He cannot ‘promise’ that he will never gamble again but he can live his life day to day, affirming that on that day he will not gamble. I know that he has turned into the person that he wanted to be and not only that, he has turned into a person that I am proud to know.
It is never too late to stop gambling and I haven’t said that a million ***** before. Be careful of ‘waiting for payday’ because you are putting a strain on yourself and you are aware that your partner is watching. You have to do this for ‘you’ and nobody else. This is your life and you are fed up ***** to everyone. Everyone probably knows you are ***** too which makes your ***** a waste of time.
I think you have said ‘why you gamble’. I think it would be good to consider how you will feel when you embrace a gamble-free life. Compulsive gambling is an addiction and therefore you are being controlled by an addiction. When you face that addiction and change your life – you will be in control of it – not owned by a faceless, cruel, deceiver. ‘You’ can make the good things happen and you will find that those around you will relax and change too. Your partner would be so welcome in our F&F group and on our F&F forum. She will have been affected by your addiction – none of us get away with it.
We do all the wrong things for all the right reasons when we love a CG. Your partner ***** to recover too and when she does she will no longer be the victim of your addiction. She will be free too.
I have changed so much and continue to do so each day that takes me further from the gambling years. I believe that friends and family have to change if they want to live and love a CG who is committing to a life-time of being gamble-free. Without realising it the addiction causes us to loose ourselves and our self-esteem too.
I think you know the answers to your questions and you know what to do – the hard bit is doing it but I believe you can.
Velvet
