Today is a horrid day. I am feeling so hopeless it is not even funny. The only good thing is I have not gone out to a casino and gambled. Although I should say that I have been gambling on facebook. I have spent whole days at work wasting time on facebook slots. I have even bought credits in order to keep playing. I stayed off facebook slots all weekend and want to give them up but my days are horrid. I am sick of commuting the 2 hours to and from work. M-F I get up at 6am leave for work and get home around 7pm. I have no life and am tired before the week even starts. I spend my Saturdays sleeping all day — only getting up to go to the bathroom. I found a job posted in the town I live in which would be perfect for me — but I just called and confirmed that because my Bachelor’s degree is not in accounting I would not be considered for the position. I feel like the whole world is against me and everything is hopeless. I feel like I am only a step away from having a complete nervous breakdown — quitting my job — and eventually being out on the street. I can’t take this anymore. A friend here at work was trying to get me to stay the night over so I wouldn’t have to drive home tonight because it is going to snow and I yelled at her because she has anxiety over the weather and it is getting to me. I don’t care about driving in the snow but she is always sending me the weather alerts and I can’t take it. I know she means well but I have enough to worry about. I can’t stay tonight because I have to pick up my husband from work. I don’t need the additional pressure of worrying about the bad weather coming up later on. I can barely get by just getting to work and getting home. I know it’s not her fault and I should not have lashed out at her but I just can’t take it anymore. I have so many bills coming up so I can’t quit my job. My husband started working but he doesn’t make even enough to cover our mortgage payment. I know part of all of this is living without my "bandaid" of gambling but it is getting worse and worse. I cry everyday and I have started thinking I would be better off dead than continuing in this unendning sad and hopeless state………..I just can’t seem to find any light at the end of any tunnel anywhere.
