Originally posted by flyorra
hi ty all again. i feel ****ty today, can’t seem to feel good at all. i have an incredible ability to make no sense what so ever. anyway, there are a heap of different slot games on facebook i have used as a substitute. it takes some mental effort to play slots, so now that i am resting in bed and very tired i don’t bother playing. i am upset how the world seems perfect.
… everytime i quit gambling i get sad and depressed and want it all to end …
i consider myself emotionally crippled from what abuse i have gone through in life, sick of blaming myself for everything. i am suspicious, sceptical, i know too much that is the sad thing about it, i know what i have been through, it’s a matter of tolerance not of fixing what is broken. see the honest man’s honesty is slowly running out. i searched my whole life looking for books about emotions, there are a few, if any, and they are short. emotion rules me just as much as the physical. knowing we are the victim of life, because we are a soul, we have this vehicle, we are aware that nothing makes sense in the bigger picture. i am so sick of not understanding, i understand nothing right now, i don’t want to turn to a psychologist or a pyschiatrist to pass judgement on me i have been there done that, there is so much bull**** in the world, nothing is what it seems, i want to be bleeding until i am all bled out, everything in the establishment brings me down. what i want is impossible and not possible. i am different, i am only half human, my other half brings me down, in a world where i never get what i want, no respect, people are dictators of my life. happiness has no true value to me, you can’t hold onto it and say "i am happy" that is false, you literally are never happy by nature of happiness, it is not you.
i need help
Good morning Flyorra,
You feel depressed every time you quit gambling, or maybe more accurately, each time you attempt to quit but still gamble; so that it might be your ongoing conflict in your desires that is the problem, not quitting. You stated the similar feelings when you joined GT, "i am out of control and addicted to gambling … I am in a lot of psychological pain because of this addiction"; but at that time you were speaking of part of your life that had been proven without challenge.
Now that you are working toward a renewed more normal way of living, each time you quit you challenge the good that awaits you by returning to the psychological pains of gambling. I have looked at your topics on Facebook and at your web page, in these parts of your life you put forth a real effort and show a tremendous ability to think and organize, and to seemingly follow a more positive path toward a happiness that is yours. In gambling you, like the rest of us, let the addiction fence out these talents and finer character traits; in gambling it is easy to forget the real us that can still make rational choices and use logical thinking in these other areas.
Put the same learned and positive aspects you use in connection with other than gambling issues to help you to make the right choices and take the right actions in this important part of you life. Stop the psychological pain of gambling by not gambling, and the depressed state you go through in going back and forth between gambling and not gambling could very well be eliminated.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Use the talents and the good that is within you to progress in this most important part of your life.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.