congrats on your 6 months free of gamble williame. I hope one day I can say the same. The days for me have been long and filled with worry, sadness and self hate. Gambling, for me, has not been fun for a very, very long time. These past two years have been the worst of my life as my gambling problems have continued to escalate. I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t quit. Still, after two years, roughly off + on of feeling like someone without a soul— I continue this parade of self destruction. My best friend and partner has moved on very recently and that has crushed me more than anything and has made me incredibly vulnerable and lonely. She doesn’t need me but the truth is, I am hurting without her. Badly. I don’t blame her though. I have pushed her away recently because I knew there was someone else and that really hurt me. How could we continue to be best friends if she can’t always be there for me? Maybe through shame I have pushed her away—I know she deserves better–but now that she has found someone else, it has hit me harder than a freight train. So, I’m really struggling to cope and I’m continuing to chase losses, compulsively. It hasn’t helped as you may have guessed. I’m trying to find a psychologist because i need to talk to someone but I am finding the process to be quite difficult… how do I chose the right Dr without reading reviews, knowing their expertise etc? There really seems to be a lack of info online. I certainly wouldn’t have surgery without making sure the Dr had good reviews—so why should I have my heart operated on blindly by some shrink who has very little info online, except their name. Today, I woke up as usual not wanting to breath, empty inside. I can’t see a light at the end of this tunnel.
