Hey Crushed,
Hope this helps….
Ive been where you have been, even to a deeper level financially. Ive lost $1,000,000+ to gambling in 30 years. I once lost $16,000 in one week to an illegal bookie with NO money to pay him. As you know, this doesnt go over well and dont know to what level of organized crime your bookie is involved, but mine was VERY connected. To the point when I manned up to my mistake, I had to get in a Lincoln with 2 VERY scary men in the back seat strapping guns. I confessed that I screwed up bad but made a strong point that I was a man and not running from my mistake and wanted to make it right. They werent happy and I got yelled/cursed at alot initially, but in the end they even said they respected me doing "the right thing" and set up a weekly payment plan. Their "collection man" (he was 6′ 6" and probably 350+ pounds) came to my job every Friday to collect $200 from me. About a year and a half later, I made my last payment, and shook the guys hand and said "I hope I NEVER see you again". He replied "I hope I NEVER see you again either, but I respect you for repaying your debt and being a man". So, bottom line I read you have a large debt with a bookie. Its up to you how you want to handle it, but like they told me it’s not like the movies where they kill people over a gamble debt, they just want to be paid". Id man up and tell them that you have an addiction (they are used to it, most of their clients are CG’s) and want to end the nightmare. Request a permanant cutoff from any future action and set up a weekly payment plan. Just some advice from one who used to bet dimes on many games weekly. You can also try GA (which i have done) but honestly what has really changed my life and was more effective is going to a gambling addiction specialist for therapy. You will come to find out that there’s an underlying emotional pain that is driving you to gamble in a compulsive/extreme nature. Trust me, it works but at the same time its not easy. Then again, there’s no greater feeling than not feeling the urge to gamble anymore and not feeling worthless/******/depressed/suicidal. Wish you all the best, and if anything else I hope this helps in the simple fact that yoy arent alone in what you have done, there’s other CG’s out there that have walked the same painful walk. Let today be the day where you say "I done torturing myself and I deserve to be happy". One day at a time at first, and set simple goals maybe make your first goal to not gamble for 30 days. Looking forward to reading how you are doing, keep us all posted on your progress.
