Originally posted by razzabelle
Thank you for the words and thought provoking post …
Good morning Razz,
Your post has given me "food for thought" too, thanks for your thought provoking post. This morning, about two and half months after my "crash" I am looking at a minus balance of a couple hundred dollars for this months budget. I will have a few small checks coming in from my part time job to cover it in time to pay upcoming bills, but this does not change the fact that the consequences of my gambling in October are carried forward to today, and will follow me for at least a year. It was "fun" and "enjoyable" at the time, and even somewhat "therapeutic", and conversely it did cause me to feel "yucky" afterwards, if by that you mean remorseful, guilty, and at a loss of self-esteem. BUT, that short lived "good" time was not worth it, the events that I was trying to escape and not face still exist. And "surprisingly" enough they did not destroy me or cause unmanageable hurt like gambling did. On a brighter side, but for from justifying, the lingering "yucky" feelings have diminished and has strengthened my resolve to continue on my journey to live gambling free.
But the real reason that I am posting to your post and am writing this is to build the courage to do what I now have to do as a result of gambling again; something that is extremely hard and carries much more regret and deeper feelings than "yuck" than having to juggle finances to pay a few bills and have a little "food for nourishment". This month I do not have any money to send to my daughter and now have to tell her and her mother that I gambled again after three and a half years of being gambling free. I could *** to them but that would not help me any, it would only give a false and selfish instance of saving face, something that always backfires later on and adds to any mistrust that might exist.
I find that posting such thoughts to others is better for me than to post all on my own threads, so thanks for the opportunity and use of yours. Journaling and sharing problems is good for us no matter what venue we use, but my choosing one different than my own I know is another trait that I need to look into; hopefully it is more to benefit from third party "therapy" than some type of denial or facing the truth head on. I know that you are new here, and that some of my older friends here could be a more understanding listener, but your post was the one that opened my eyes and causing me to take actions that i need to follow through; again thanks.
Back to a more related reply to your post, you are right, this is your addiction and you need to do what is right and good for you — in the long run it will also be more beneficial to any relationship that you are in. If your partner still gambles the best that you can do is to separate yourself from all that they do in relation to gambling. There are surely other things that you do as "individuals" so this is not a sign of loss of interest in them; this may be a little harder, but that may be because it is still one of somthing that you want to do than something that they want you to do — hopefully you are not being wrongly coerced or pressured into joining them that is. A relationship or friendship built of true love or caring, and not just for support of some codependency, will not cause you to act in harmful ways. I know that this is not always the case, but it is something that ***** to be considered. I am truly fortunate and grateful that my loved ones and friends recognize my problem and the harm that they might cause if they attempt to encourage me to join in on any of their, occasional "normal" gambling (I do miss our past trips to Vega some, but back then they were fun trips to enjoy more than the gambling, and not ones to feed my addiction) — and I practice the same understanding with a friend that is AA, we separate any of my outings for a "night on the town" from any ***** of just meeting or dining out.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep posting and sharing, "a problem shared is a problem halved"LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.