The sun is shining and I’m having my morning coffee, trying to wake up. I didn’t sleep well last night. The lady from the couple who are adopting Ruffuss in later August phoned me for reassurance that I hadn’t changed my mind about letting them adopt Ruffuss. I assured her that there was no way that I was staying in this marriage, so no way that I was changing my mind. We chatted about Ruffuss and her last Bouvier for about an hour. From the very first conversation we had, we had a natural rapport and even friendship of sorts. If I had a check list of what I wanted for a new home for Ruffuss, every box would be checked off with this couple. The conversation hit my heart and not my head that I am going to have to walk away from Ruffuss when the couple take him as their own. Ruffuss will be depressed and confused for a time after they take him, as that is how he reacts to change. With the other dogs and the furniture leaving my home in the past 2 weeks, he is just starting to feel a bit relaxed. He still shadows me but not as much. I know he will bond with these people but the thought of Ruffuss being distressed for a time breaks my heart. I am excluded from every casino in Alberta which is a great thing, so moving to the city is not going to be a temptation to gamble. I may take Liz to the Tuesday evening recovery group on Tuesday night at the addictions agency, if our schedule accommodates that. It’s a no pressure support group lead by someone who is not a compulsive gambler, but who understands addiction. One of the compulsive gamblers that occasionally attends threw himself into educating himself during his recovery, and now has a PHD. I’m toying with the idea of auditing an anthropology evening course at the University for interest sake. No papers to do, no exams to write, so no pressure. It’s going to take me time to get out of the mindset that I have to report to Danny what I’m doing and where I’m at. Carole
