Originally posted by bettie
… had you gone looking for it or had you found it before? …
Good afternoon,
To begin, the posting from Bettie above was about a video I shared with her, but the questions applies to my recovery as well (and yes Bettie to both of your intended ones, I had seen the vidio before, but had to look for it again).
Thought I would add a post to this topic today in a way to bring it further up in the que, a way for me to vent, and to also try to discourage any others of any thoughts of a "one off" bet, and encourage them to keep working on progressing on the way to recovering form this addiction.
I just exchanged with my ex, the mother of our daughter in France, a lot of things that I felt needed to be brought out in the open again after time has taken its toll ,said without any alternative motives, and things that I hope will not cause any hopes or renew any regrets for either of us, but still things that need to come out at times. And coincidentally, during the same time responded to live chat message with my daughter on Facebook that proved to be beneficial, things about a different subject but still relevant to our well being. Journaling and sharing is part of a good therapeutic process.
On this front all is well and I am doing a lot better since I started looking for recovery and a truer happiness again after finding it a few years ago only to interrupting it during a time of being caught unguarded. Giving into the power of addiction can cause for more work and more effort than just accepting a learned life of not gambling for anything. Since my last bet I have found that temptation is more prevalent, or at least seems to be, I guess it has always been around and I was just blind to it. But last week temptation was attached to most every action. On my weekly visit with my granddaughter here at home I thought about going early and eating at a buffet, but my thoughts when to gambling instead. In the past a meal, an unneeded an unhealthy one, would have been the only reason for going early, but since I poked the monster and awoke the powers of the addiction, it intruded on innocent plans with thoughts of also gambling, a much more unhealthy and completely unneeded involvement. So I had to just go at my normal time with only a few minutes to wait to be picked up by my daughter; not being able to live a more normal life without special attention is something that I have to once again work at to enjoy, and on ways to channel where the provider of enjoyment would be better focused . (For those that don’t know, the bus stop where my daughter picks me up most every Thursday and drops me off every Friday is at the entrance of a casino). And as a warning of caution to all, gambling again for any reason carries worst consequences than just the loss of money and a clean date, its requires a greater effort to return to a gambling free state of mind, and gives more power to an addiction that was becoming somewhat dormant.
These thoughts carried on during the next few days but thankfully each time I said no to gambling it gave me more strength to say no again; I still interrupted any diet restrictions I have, but I eat at a nearby restaurant and not one connected to a casino. Today my only thoughts are on enjoying life, going to my GA meeting tonight, and waking up again with the determination and desire to stay gambling free, and perhaps even less sorrowful of past mistakes and a determination to stay glutinous free. Gambling is all around us, its temptation reaches out in many ways, but the temptation can be put behind us and can become a warning instead of an enticement.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware and on guard for circumstance that can cause temptation.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.