Originally posted by sunny123
… i will try to enjoy this way of living.. which is called recovery.. and i am not doing it to stop gambling.. i am doing it to re-discover myself …
Good evening and Happy New Year everyone, so far its has been a great year (no joke intended), and I can only look forward for it to continue to be one that I do not add any disappointments or hardships to by gambling; by not gambling for anything "i will try to enjoy this way of living.. which is called recovery" — Thanks Sunny for sharing this insight in your pledge today. The meaning of this simple phrase has been the jest of some ideas being interchanged in recent post and I am happy to see another way of expressing that I live and benefit from my recovery, I do not hide behind it or let it control my life; guide and influence yes, but not control.
I recognized another instance of this way of living as being part of my life last night while entertaining options to celebrate the coming of a New Year. I had planed on traveling downtown for just a bar-burger and listening to a band that I enjoy, but like many other things in life their schedule was changed, and I did not have any desire to hear the replacement. After that change I considered going to a couple of bars right across the street from me and just have a drink or two, again after waiting around I had no real desire to go out just because it was New Year’s Eve, so I stayed home, fixed my own burger, listened to some music online, and retired early. The realization that I was enjoying living in recovery came to me this morning. I did not try to justify my staying at home on a night for celebration by using the excuse that the local bars, as most here do, had live interactive Lotto machines (pseudo slots that are allowed by "loopholes" in the laws governing the State Lottery). I did not have to hide behind my recovery and depend on it to keep me from gambling like I had to early on in recovery, I did not go out because I din not feel like it; a distinction that might be hard to recognize, but a big distinction for me.
A member recently posted about being afraid on not being allowed to attend a wedding because of barriers, this too was part of my recognizing that I was doing things because it was my choice, and not because I could not face the world around me that is saturated by the gambling industry. During the first months of my recovery a friend was being married in New Orleans, another town where poker/slot machines are in every bar and restaurant, and I could not go; I did not have the strength to fight off any temptation, I had to chose to stay home, I had to do one of many of the "everythings" that was required for me to stay gambling free. Today, because of recovery and it giving me strength and knowledge, because of my accepting the fact that I can not gamble when every urge or temptation strikes, because I am now free to choose, not free form the addiction, only free to make rational and logical right choices, I can say that I am enjoying this way of living. Instead of going out and doing something because it was a tradition, something that I would have not enjoyed that much, I instead when out for a New Year’s Day brunch before work; something that I, unfortunately for attempts to control my weight, do enjoy. And something that my recovery has provided me with the ability to do, the buffer was close to a casino and yet I had no desire to try my luck as part of starting off a new year — ergo, it has been a great year so far.
There are some in recovery that have yet to learn that they too can live a life of not gambling, that they can work of change in their lifestyles, attitudes, and characters, so that recovery is no longer just a tool to stop gambling; for we do not need recovery to stop gambling, we have each stopped many many times in the past without recovery, we need recovery to be a way of life, a tool to teach us how not to gamble again and show us that we can live in the mist of the beast .. which is called gambling.
I am not being complacent, overconfident, tempting fate, or downplaying the powers of my addiction, I being comfortable in living a better and more normal way of life, I am working, practicing, and benefiting from my recovery, I am keeping aware of the things I must do, and the one thing that I cannot do. Another member has asked how some have accumulated certain amounts of gambling free time, diligently doing these daily affairs is one answer to that question for me.
God’s speed to all. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep working on recovery and soon you will be living it.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.