Hi Larry!
I just read a post you sent to Ican’s thread and two things leaped out at me.
You spoke about not wanting to quit but in the final analyses having to admit the consequences that gambling brings. I think for most Cgs this is the kernel. If I had not been faced with such devastating results and the realisation of what gambling did, and will continue to do to me, if I choose to gamble, I would most likely,be sitting in a casino tonight blisfully letting the realities of life go over my head. I need to remind myself constantly that gambling is not "fun", is not an option and that no good will ever comes from it. When I see it clearly for what it is, I will no longer want gambling to be part of my life!
The second point was to do with hankering after what is gone and holding on to part of our CG past!
Since I gave up gambling in my "favourite" arcade/casino, I have visited that seaside on a regular basis,to "walk on the beach!" I have become fond of a few restuarants there and even started to bring a couple of my friends out for a walk and a meal there, but mostly I go alone. Most of the time I am uneasy with this and could not face up to dealing with my reasons for going there. When I read your post, I see clearly now that I am chasing the past. Chasing an illusion. Holding on to a memory. re visiting the sordid scene of the crime! Going there alone could not be healthy for me as a CG. I linger around the entrance, salute people who I "knew" (probably all CGs in denial) and even meet some of the people who work there and hope they acknowledge me in some way. How daft is that! Deep down I am pining for my "lost love", regretting what I left behind and looking back on all the money I "invested" there. ..
I must be honest and say none of this has any part in my recovery Larry! The reality is , I threw my money into those bloody slot machines, I’m banned (self-excluded) from those premises for a very good reason and I will never get that time of my life or my money back.
Time to let the ghosts rests and to move on.
From tomorrow onwards’ I will find a new location to walk and if that place has a casino I will make one trip inside, only to self exclude before I am ever tempted to go down memory lane again.
Thanks for that post Larry. It was truely a Godsend!
