Dear Kathryn
Accept the things you can do at the moment and don’t take on the emotional care of your sisters – they are big enough to look after themselves.
Accept the thing you cannot change dear Kathryn. I know I would not want my children to suffer for me – that is not why I gave them life. Your mum is ok and in a good place, a place of understanding, she believes she is on holiday and she is not crying but she would be, if she thought her lovely daughter was.
Worry about you – you are one person who can make a difference to how you feel and you know you need a holiday – your mum needs you healthy and happy. Work is work and if I have learned nothing in my life it is that no job is worth losing your sanity over. Everything will still be there when you get back. The assessment will not be so scary when you are refreshed and your batteries are re-charged.
Take each problem as it comes and deal with it. Remember the pile of pieces in the jigsaw – you can only do one piece at a time.
I have a dear friend with Alzheimer’s and nothing I could ever do or say will help but her husband is an example to me on how things should be done. They have loved each other for 40 years. He talks to her, brings her home once a week for a few hours and loves her as he has always done. He has been on a holiday this year because he knows he has to look after himself – for her sake. I know her well enough to know she would be proud of the way he is coping. I believe, from watching him, that you have done the best thing for your mum – it would be selfish to keep her at home, confused and getting the wrong meds. It is another chapter and it is a hard one but you have her grandchildren to care for and you have yourself – her child.
Your mum would never break your heart. So much weight on your shoulders and still you stand tall – how proud she must be of you. Her memories are locked in but they will be good ones.
I want to hear that your holiday was wonderful – as you are. You deserve this break and at the moment your mum believes she is only on holiday so nothing is set in stone.
You are so special – carry on living the great adventure for your mum – and selfishly for me too.
V
