Hi All,
Well, i can finally take a deep breath. My week of madness has now come to an end. And it was the most full on, happy, laughing, sad, fun week ever.
I have to say, the cleaning up wasnt so much fun, but hey, what can you do? The funeral was just lovely, every time the man who sang opened his mouth every hair on my body stood on end. And he sang…a lot. So i looked like i had stuck my finger in an electric socket by the end of the funeral…lol. The wake was just how i expected it to be, people laughing, dancing, singing, crying, all at once.
Delia (the deceased) would have loved it, it was her kind of party and everyone made sure we lived up to her expectations. A fantastic wake. I got to see many people i havent seen for years, which is always nice but isnt it always the way…at a funeral. I have known that family since i was 5, and i had that many of them patting me on the head…lol. I also had many peope asking me if i was my sister..they would come up and say ‘hi Jen’, and id have to say, no, im Kathryn. I dont know if she looks really good or i look really crap because she is 13 years older than me!! I think ill just stick to the first one, it must be the indian genes!!!
So i had grand plans this week, to cook a heap of stuff and freeze it, i did manage to clean out my wardrobe, i have 3 bags of clothes to go to the salvation army. Im actually very excited about work next week, the nerves arent bad at all, im eager to get in there and see how it all works and what i will be doing. I have been shopping and bought myself some lovely clothes to wear to work, it will be nice to be a bit dressed up. Today i went and had a haircut, and yes Meg, i now have 2 eyebrows!!!
I actually, finally feel that i have got to a point where i feel independant, where i feel that my life is finally coming together. I have confidence, i actually like myself and im not disgusted when i look in the mirror anymore. I walk with my head held high, and its not just the fact that i have stopped gambling, but that i feel self worth. Stopping gambling was the beginning of my life, i am living. This forum has been a wealth of support and knowledge, a shoulder to cry on, friends to laugh with, a place i am so comfortable in, where i can just be me. I felt lost for a long long time, not only did my addiction rule my life, but i was so focused on everyone else, that i forgot who i was. You have all helped me remember the person i am, the person who was buried, but always there, deep down. I am so grateful.
I recieved a beautiful box of flowers from my old job yesterday, i NEVER get flowers, so i was so pleasantly surprised, and it was nice to know i will be missed. Today after the haircut i went out for lunch with another group of workmates, i worked at 2 facilities and they wanted to catch up. It was really lovely, and then to top it off, they paid for me!!! So now, ive finally got some quiet. It was lovely having my family here, but also lovely when they left. My week was packed, i never stopped, but i loved every minute of it. I was still popping on for a quick read when i had a minute, i missed the forum, i missed my friends. My life is going to change again, but one thing will never change, i am a compulsive gambler, through and through, and im not ashamed of that. I wouldnt be where i am, have the freinds i do and the life i have without it.
Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xx (i will get around to you all on the weekend…eventually!!!!!)To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
