It’s a brand new day again to be gamble free. I did not gamble yesterday and do not plan on gambling today. It is also 10 days into April which is a third of the month gone. I think back to when I started the monthly pledges and I would be so focused on getting through the month. I would be ******** the first week, the second week and fighting to get through the month. I would make it some months and not others. I would be fighting to stay away. The first thought that would come to my mind in the morning was gambling. I still get thoughts and urges some*****, but I try to get the thoughts out of my mind as quick as possible and not focus on them. I believe the biggest difference is that I do just focus on having a gamble free day. Fear can be a great motivator, as I do have a fear of gambling again as I know how hard it is to stay away once I "poke the bear" or "give in to the devil sitting on my shoulder". I continue to work on improving myself, but I also know I need to work on myself even more. I think I am still envious/jealous of people who can go and play slots/vlts and enjoy themselves. I wish that was me, but alas I can never be a responsible gambler no matter how much I want to be. I know that I have trouble accepting that at *****. Well not so much accepting it, but wishing it was different, as I have accepted that I am a compulsive gambler and that will never change. I don’t want to go back to the life of lies, losing money, the debt getting higher, the tears, the hating myself and the self loathing. I know that I can’t put one cent in those machines as I am a compulsive gambler. May everyone be blessed with a day free of gambling.One day at a time my sweet lord…
