Just want to put my thoughts down here while they are still fresh. I had a rough start on Monday, was the last day of my vacation and gambling urges were sooooooo strong. It really surprised me since I haven’t really had the desire to gamble in quite awhile. I logged onto the Live Advice Helpline and Harry helped me muddle through my thought process and while I am disappointed in myself for having the urges, I am proud of myself for not acting on them.
I have kept in touch with my ex’s sister since our breakup last October. Whenever she mentions him and his girlfriend I am filled with rage and hatred and wish that he would suffer just as he made me suffer. I realize that even though I have told her I don’t ever want to hear anything about him again, I want to hear something BAD. He has **** about many things since the breakup and said some nasty things about me and it has finally triggered strong gambling urges. I feel much better after talking things out with Harry and I realize that I need to completely let it go (I thought I had). I most certainly have no warm and fuzzy feelings, but I need to let go of the animosity.
I think I still dislike myself for having stayed in a terrible environment for as long as I did, one with no love, warmth, attention or support. My insecurities and low self esteem kept me in an abusive home with an extremely selfish person but I am in a "good" place right now and cannot allow those memories to take me backwards.
Thank you Harry for being in the right place at the right time. Debbie
