Cat, Vera and P, thank you for your posts. I slept in my apartment for the first time last night and I slept like a log. There is clutter galore still, but it is MY clutter and I will slowly sift through it and put things in their place. A good friend helped me unpack a bit and I still have to call her and ask where she put things. I honestly cannot believe how uplifting everything feels. I love my apartment, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my independance and above all I love not being held hostage to gambling. For over 15 years it was all I thought about, all I knew. Recognizing that I needed help, entering recovery and remaining there has probably been the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I am 100% sure that I would have left Barry before the end of last year but I am glad that things turned out the way they did because now I am living and this life is wonderful. Staying in that situation was way too enabling and even though I entered recovery last April I know that as much as I wanted to stop gambling he wanted me to continue, which I will probably never understand but really no longer care to figure out. I feel very strong right now and as if I could conquer the world. I am at my ex husbands house right now doing a few last loads of laundry and using his computer (what a terrific man he is). This afternoon I have my one on one counselling session at Problem Gambling Services and I fully intend to continue those sessions for as long as they let me. My self exclusion ban is still in place and I will not be removing it, thank goodness for that ban it has saved me from more than one urge. Urges are so few and far between now and I have learned how to put them from my mind when they do pop up. Its time to go finish the laundry and make sure I have packed up everything from here and not left anything behind. Cat, I truly love you but red paint is just not going to happen, it would clash with my purple bathroom. Debbie
