Hi Sherry!
I hear what you are saying about watching the savings dwindling..that money was both your reward and proof that a non gambling life is worthwhile. Now, as you watch it disappear you no longer have evidence of recovery. Your incentive not to gamble seems to be dwindling with that fund. I can relate totally to that feeling. It would cause me to panic and feel insecure too. Look at it this way Sherry. You may not have financial evidence but you have your house and that is some thing you will never be tempted to use for gambling. Money for a CG will always be synonymous with gambling. Holding money in any form always brings a risk. That is one thing I know for sure. No money=no risk. But it also means no opportunity, Sherry. Think about it carefully ! Maybe somewhere, very deep in your unconscious mind that money gave you a feeling of (false) security that should you ever want to indulge in gambling again you had a "slush fund" that you could call on. Now the reality is really hitting home. Not only is your savings account almost empty but your option to gamble no longer exists. Just my thoughts Sherry! Its like when you go on a diet the wardrobe of clothes you had paid a fortune for over your "fat" years no longer fits but the outcome of the diet had greater benefits! A new slim you! In your case you not only gained a fabulous new house and home but also a rewarding alternative lifestyle to the life you spent gambling; wasting money in an attempt to gain freedom. Its complex, yet simple when you look at the wider picture!
All the wise Gurus tell us that dropping our attachments brings freedom from our desires, Sherry!
Maybe you need to look at your desire to hoard money. I know I certainly do!
Where is your attachment to money coming from and where will it lead if you are not fully aware of it?
Well done on honing in on this desire. Food for thought for every CG , I would say!
"The root of all sorrow is desire, and the uprooting of sorrow is desirelessness!"
(PS my hubby wants to know why you are feeding that calf from a bottle? He said they used buckets of milk to feed calves!!)– 10/04/2013 12:30:50: post edited by vera.
