Thanks everyone. I know it probably sounds petty to complain about money when I’m in the best financial situation I’ve ever been in my life but the savings account was the measure of how I was doing in the gambling fight. After I paid off over $20,000 in credit debt, I started a savings…then I gambled it away. Wishing I had that money back, I started saving again and put a lot of barriers in place to protect that money and as the savings went up, I felt secure knowing I couldn’t get to it for gambling. Guess the savings has been a barometer of my gambling recovery…and while it’s going down, I’m worried I’ll go down with it.
Recovery is very fragile, an addicts self esteem is very fragile and it doesn’t take much to ‘lose’ it. I know these feelings are fleeting and I’ll still keep all my barriers in place AND GAMBLING WILL NOT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER.
On a happier note:I get the 7:30pm feeding. The little guy is like a kid. His evening feeding takes a long time because he drinks a little, runs and bucks, eats some more, checks out the dog and then comes back for more. It’s hard for him to concentrate on eating because there is too much going on and he’s full of energy. The other feedings are quicker. He’s a cutie. Don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat beef again! All new life is amazing…even a baby calf.
