Hi Logic,
It was good to read your update, I have been wondering how the weekend went for you. It sounds like a stressful build up to it.
I have read with interest your regular referrals to codependency and TBH it is something I have only had a surface understanding of so I have been doing a bit more research into it. Turns out I am a prime candidate for it and indeed reading the sign and symptoms have been in codependent relationships for most of my life. This in turn made me realise that the biggest thing to change in my current relationship was me! Obviously my partners addiction therapy process also gave him the tool to work through his own issues and root of his gambling which also played its part but fundamentally seeing things through different eyes changes everything regardless of your partners path. Things can not remain the same when one player or more player in the story has changed their role. It is the same with you and your partner. You have no control or power to change him and neither is it right for you to try, its up to him, he has to do it for himself but you can change how you relate to yourself and that in turn changes how things effect you.
I am glad the weekend went ok, but perhaps it would of been more enjoyable for you to have a little time out to spend with your family and without the worry of whether he would show to take you? I am not sure I would want to spend a weekend with someone who told me I made them feel like scum and if you really did make him feel that way I am not sure why he would want to spend it with you either, sound like manipulation on his part to me, we are each responsible for our own feelings after all.
I like your plan of going with whats right for you and if that is being closer to work and family then go for it. Only by doing what is right for you will things ever change and change is what is needed here. If he is unable or unwilling to change his attitude towards his gambling then it is up to you to take that step forward, it may leave him behind or it may give him the space to look at his own issues without the emotional buffer of you being always available to him but your priority should always be you.
You talk a lot about what he is going through but don’t you owe it to yourself to reduce the worry and anxiety in your own life by allowing yourself the right environment to grow?
I think you are being very brave and trying hard to look at the situation objectively. It is not hard to have your happiness dictated to by someone else’s unaddressed addiction, its impossible, so one way or another you have to find a way to unravel yourself from it emotionally and thing will become easier for you. This could mean taking a step back and protecting yourself more or leaving the situation completely, that is something only you can decided.
Please remember there are no rights or wrongs only what best takes care of you. Lily x