I know it is tempting to look at blaming the gambling industry for our addiction – but please concentrate on yourself and your own recovery at this point.
You wrote: “I have been feeling down about all the money I have lost and trying to figure out how I can earn or get the money back because now my bills are starting to get the better of me. I genuinely do not want to gamble again …”
So please do not chase losses – it sounds like it was chasing losses that put you here this month – and if you keep doing what you are doing you will sink further and further. Banning yourself from gambling sites is a great first step. Handing control of your money to a trusted family member will be another. You stated that you don’t have money to pay the bills and the mortgage – does your wife live with you – is she not affected by this? If you hand over control (and I know that will be hard) at least you will know that you will not lose your home etc.
The other thing would be to get support for the next few days / weeks when things will be difficult. If you can find a self-help group like GA or if you can access counselling or group therapy to share what you are going through. Finally see if you can get good unbiased financial advice to help you through the crisis you are in. Again GA or similar may help – or you could try ringing a crisis line – such as befrienders in your area.
I hope you can focus on your own recovery and find a way through this. I wish you well.