Hey Mav, you also hit the nail on the head about planning for the future and not looking back. It takes a lot of work for us former gamblers to dig our way out of the holes we have dug ourselves into, but we must do it. We must get back on our feet and figure out how to make a way for ourselves, a positive way that is honest and good. No more pipe dreams of instant riches. Real goals that we pursue with hard work. We come clean. We think of others and do for others with our actions. We show our loved ones we care by doing the right thing, step by step regaining and rebuilding trust. The trust comes slowly, much too slowly for us impatient souls sometimes. We must remain calm though, and remember what we have done. Remember the pain, remember what we have put our families through. It takes time to heal all of the hurt we caused.
We have sold ourselves short in our gambling past. Maybe lost confidence. Telling ourselves we couldn’t do it, that the only way out was to hide our problems, then go out and risk it all and hope for the best. We all know how that story ends. But now we realize that we can do it, if we apply ourselves, be honest and believe in ourselves. One step at a time, we set goals, small ones at first and then build from there.
Sometimes the road back seems too daunting, too much to overcome. Maybe that is why we falter and relapse sometimes. The false hope of instant gratification creeps back into our minds, fooling us one more time. The road seems too long, too hard, so let’s give gambling just one more try, we say. Maybe this is finally my lucky day. But alas, it is not. Just another hollow, empty promise, and another humiliating day zero. Another total waste of time and money.
Well, I am done with day zero. I will never go back, and never look back. I have many more important things to do, and new dreams to fulfill. Maybe it is because I will be 50 years old this year. Yeah, pretty much over the hill! Hahaha. I am starting to think about how short life really is. This is it! I have to seize each day and really live.
“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations