Laura, don’t torture yourself. The people who spread gossip about the weaknesses of others, are often deflecting from their own faults. None of our friends or family members are perfect. Having said that, their reaction probably served a purpose at the time. It kept you on the straight and narrow. You are in a different place now than you were then. You have decided to act, not re act. Just keep things simple Laura. If I had panicked when I lost my lump sum online in March 2015 I would be in deep s%*” now. I listened to advice I got from a fellow GT traveler and sat tight. I told none of my family I had lost that money. My husband had taken enough This would have ruined him. I lay low. Licked my own wounds and prayed to God above to “grant me the serenity etc”. 22 months later, I’m feeling far more secure. I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Gambling is NOT about money. Recovery is not either but for me it is about restitution. From a very early age, we were taught that we must pay back what we owe. Like you mentioned, the money we wasted gambling was not rightfully ours. In my book it’s sinful to dip into funds that don’t belong to me. Tantamount to theft. I stole from myself, from my family and not only by using money but by wasting precious time. I have to account for both now . That’s what my Plan is all about.
It also serves to bring balance into my life. Gambling is a symptom of imbalance in our lives. I pay my gambling debts slowly but surely (Three more years to go-and I’m no Spring chicken!) To watch my savings grow and my debt come down brings a certain equilibrium to my life. Look on recovery as Life’s Scales, Laura. Everything will balance at the end of the day.
Take on a new mindset. A fresh approach . I know you have some health issues. So have I. Stress plays havoc with physical health. Gambling creates stress. Gambling takes our peace. Gambling gives us nothing. It takes and takes. Why give it anymore?
Tell yourself today, Laura that you are going to restore what you have lost. It is never too late to start anew. You have every reason to feel a bit despondent but that feeling will prevent you from moving forward. Regardless of how you feel , begin to act on that plan. Seeing it develop will be a symbol of a new start. A new Laura!
Just for today, I will not gamble!
