so officially pay day today even though i was declaring it at midnight on Wednesday, it just sounded better to me.
i had all my overtime paid in and it felt nice for a minute until i had to catch up with last months bills, pay one of my 3 installments on my pay day loans before i even start on this months, having said that i given myself an allowance for the month, put a little into the savings, filled up the car and left a bit for any unknown charges which there is bound to be.
i would be lying if i said i hadn’t thought about gambling today, when i saw that money disappearing i did think about putting a bet on with low odds to try and re-coup some of that money but that was just the black shadow of manifestation within me (a.k.a the gambler) i actually felt a little selfish thinking that as well, as i know even on here, there’s people that would give anything to be able to work and be able to try and get on top of their debt, i have an opportunity as there hasn’t been extra shifts at work for a couple of years but due to a recent 2 week breakdown it’s been all hands on deck which ironically has come at a time when i needed it the most. it’s exhausting as i am working all weekend again but i also feel fortunate as without it i would be sat here now on payday with not enough to pay for last months gambling, i would be despairing and then i’d think “sod it, i don’t have enough money anyway so i may as well gamble what i do have and try and make some money” so no, i didn’t gamble and i thanked my lucky stars for making this month manageable.
i checked the football results tonight, not a good idea really but some of the matches i would have picked for my bets would have let me down so i would now be chasing! on the other hand if they had have won it may have triggered me into thinking my judgement is on point so it was ok this time but i am not sure that in this frame of mind it was the best idea.
i was thinking about relationships today and the prospect of having to tell someone that i meet that i am a (soon to be ) recovering gambler….one for another post but i wonder what people’s views are on complete openness?
i wanted to end with rather than starting with a big thank you to all posting on here and checking in. i have just finished work but wanted to connect with you all to say how much i appreciate your posts, i absorb everything like a sponge at the moment and i go onto your threads to see your journeys and you are all so inspirational just by being here.