Yes, jp this is your rock bottom. I have been there. I gambled away everything and the rent money. I got a repossession order on my home. Do you privately rent? Perhaps your daughter can help with the immediate like food and a bit of money to see you through the next few days and for you to get to work. You mention you are in work. I was not. I fessed up to my housing association and I still have my home. Hanging on by a thread but I am still here. And got sick on top of this with all the stress. Gambling will only take us down further, the insanity of just keeping going and frittering away thousands in the illusory world we create for ourselves. I went to see my Gp although it took weeks for me to do this of sitting in the abject misery that this illness brings and it is an illness. And there can be recovery. Little steps. Someone said to me when I signed up to this site that I needed time to heal and they were right. But we cannot do it without support. I though I was way past helping and went on the last binge to the same place you are in now. And I can say is that there is help out there and you have to reach for it. We all reach our individual rock bottoms. I hit mine, others when they end up in a psychiatric ward,
Prison or homeless. That is the downward spiral of this addiction. Have you ever been to GA? There you will find hope. There is hope and no one is not worth saving. I mean that, no one. You do not want to destroy yourself, it is the illness running the show that makes you feel like this. Things can and will change. That is for sure but you need to face up to the fact that compulsive gamblers never win, they NEVER win because it always goes back and more. There is light, you are alive and destrying yourself makes the illness the victor. But you can gain mastery over the illness one day at a time. You are better than they. Gambling takes away everything of who we really are and we can get ourselves back over time.
