Murr I read this story from start to finish and it gave me strength and self belief. I thought it might help you too. Please follow through his journey as you will find a lot of common ground and most importantly ways to beat this problem. It gives us hope!!!
Submitted by Jonny123987 on Mon, 10/31/2016 – 15:40
Can’t Believe I Did This to Myself
I’m 41 years old. I have lost everything AGAIN. I’ve been trying to quit gambling for years. I’ve been gambling since I was 18. I have made some money but mainly lose it. I’ve moved up the ranks at work and finally started making some decent money. I always thought I gambled to make more money and not because I had a problem. As soon as the bigger money started to roll in the bets became bigger. I needed nicer things. I could offset spending with gambling winnings. For a few years I never won or lost more then 3-5 grand. I was always back and forth with that figure. Up 3 grand, down three grand. My bank account started to grow and I had over 60 grand. Then all of a sudden I lost 25 grand in 2 nights. and I was sick. I flipped out and lost my job. I then proceeded to gamble another 30 grand or so in the next month. A month laater I found myself with about 10 grand and in need of a job. I went to gamblers anonymous and realized I need to stop. I did for a few months. I moved to New York for my new job and was loving life. Al of a sudden I started gambling again. Not even sure why. I lost everything in a week. Then had to be homeless for a couple months and saved everything I could and quit gambling for about 4 months. Then I just had another relapse about a month ago and lost everything plus 10k in credit card debt which is pretty much all my credit. I have a check from work sitting here and it seems like nothing compared to what I just lost. I know I have to quit again. But the feeling of despair is frightening and I just don’t know how to accept that I let down everyone and myself again and have nothing and just feel down right horrible. I need to exclude myself from everywhere. Make sure to get gamble blocks in place on my computer and phone and go to meetings again. I know I can’t win the money back even though I have a plan. My plan always gets ruined because I’m a compulsive gambler.
Gees. I can’t believe I did this to myself!