Dear diary,
I do not want to be dishonest about my clean days.
I do not want to be total abstinence in all form of addiction and slavery of money, only to be dishonest about my thought and desire to gamble if I had any. They are cancerous.
Imagine
They say I was honest when I confess to my sponsor after I gamble. Do you call this honesty? Why didn’t I confess and be honest to him about the thoughts before it turn into action. My sponsor cannot intervene after it happen.
Who am I kidding? Who am I deceiving ? Am I dishonest in not telling the truth?
How was I dishonest? How do I deceive myself ?
Since I am not gambling, I do not need to tell them.
they never ask so I do not have to tell. it was not my fault.
These dishonest and self-deceiving acts will not help us grow straight properly
One day this tumor or cancer will grow bigger and stronger
The strength to gamble will be stronger than the strength not to gamble.
The gambling thoughts will thus turn into action.
Imagine again
This time I was honest and confess to my sponsor that I have been having gambling thoughts lately.
I may be gambling free for many days but I have thought about placing the next bet recently.
These gambling thoughts can lead to action and can wipe out all the gambling free days.
These thoughts could be triggered by some new events, they happen for a reason, and it could be due to many things. It is time to sit down with the sponsor and work it out, clean it out of the system. Most importantly not forgetting to seek God and pray hard.
I shouldn’t be dishonest and feed the addiction
I must be honest about my thoughts, and feed my recovery.
Relapse prevention and intervention