In the Spring of 2011 I took a week off from work, I became very bored. A co-worker told me about some internet cafes’ that opened in town, they are slot machines on a computer. You pay the cashier and you get on the computer, click and it spins, just a slot machine. They had the ducks, clovers, 7s, and etc…. At first I used the excuse that it was fun and relaxing. I realized it was more when I was going through money like mad, and the feeling I would have afterwards. I would call myself crazy, stupid, stupid stupid. Even when I would win, I would sit there until I lose every cent. There was days when I would hit each side of town. My body would be so tired, I would be saying I want to go home, but my car would just take me to that next location. I finally admitted to myself I had gotten in over my head. I searched for a GA mtg in my area, there were none. I searched out counselors, I located one and she said she was the only one who specialized in the area. She suggested I visit a local AA mtg because they basically uses the same 12 steps. I went to one mtg and felt totally uncomfortable…..Well, I only saw the counselor once; I could not afford her, I had gambled all my money away. But, the session did help me to open up to my husband, he has been wonderful through all of this. I have done a lot of praying, asking God “WHY?”, screaming. To fast forward, my last day was March 8, 6 days ago. Because my husband just cant comprehend why I can’t stop and I am a very private person I will continue to cry out to my higher power, and get encouragement from my new friends I hope to meet on this site. I am never going to stop trying, that is not an option.
