My day today started late, at 4pm, waking up and as always blaming myself for another day wasted. The only think came to my mind was to make it a better day by coming to the forum and the gambling therapy room, where i feel safe and see good friends, at the same time my advisers. people who help me trough with my thought and behaviors, the moment of loneliness, and when i feel unworthy. It has been a great pleasure in meeting so many great people in here who have been fighting this addiction.without your help I would have been some where begging for money to eat or under influence of some sleeping pills in bed. I have a neighbor just upstairs to me, who is a good man. He is around 90 years of age and very ill. old age is stopping him from doing the things that few years ago was doing, climbing the mountains, travelling around the world, skiing , and even walking comfortably. I have made it my duty for the last 2 weeks to help him any way I can, even if it means to visit him and hug him, helping him with checking the football result on his teletext on his TV. He can not even do that now. He is single, never married, and no family here. Some times I see my self in him, in few years time if I am not able to recover from this addiction. I wanted to say that helping him, seeing the joy in his eyes, first from his TV working, and second from him knowing that he is not alone. I feel better when i come back to my own flat. I know that I should be concentrating on my own recovery, but I think it is helping me towards that, becoming the person I was before becoming addicted to gambling, Helpful and caring towards others. Personality change I think I can call it. where My cg was only thinking about myself and how i feel when i was on the urge. Now it is the time to notice about qualities which was buried by my gambling actions. I was asking my neighbor why he is not asking for disability benefit and help. He did not know how to do that and in hospital where he was 2 weeks ago, no body knew or cares how he lives alone. It brought up this thought that why am i on help from state benefit? I am not as bad as he is in terms of physical health? I could not find an honest answer. I am working on it… some times we feel that we are in a deep whole that there is no way out, but seeing or reading about others in a worse situation can help us to wake up and deal with the real issues and be more positive about our situation. there is always a way out of difficulties. Here is a good place for me to be every day to remind myself that I am in a process of recovery. One day at a time. God be with you always.
