Quality of life in recovery has improve for me and I was making amend to people over time. I was also contributing and helping people in recovery back home.
I thought it was the right time to clear some things from the past now. I was clearing my old stuff and found things that reminded me of my tragic past.
Suddenly I realize, nothing I do can help. How can I recover from all this?
This is a scary thought. Nothing I do can erase all the wrong that I did in this life. When I am facing the judge, it is useless to tell the judge that I has been doing good thing and helping people, it is not going to help or erase all the wrong that I have committed.
There are so many moments in my life when I was not in the right frame of mind, the year of 2002 was one of them, it probably explain how everything lead me to seek help for the first time in year 2005.
Why didn’t I attend to all those important thing?
I felt sad looking at all the bad things that I have done. I will forever have to live with this guilt that I have committed many unforgivable and punishable sin.
And yet I have to finish this race, it is not going to be beautiful but I hope it will have a good ending.