Dear diary
It is a real joy working my recovery now, everything is clearer.
I can see myself having the breakthrough I want, I was able to give my all to my family now, it was something I had always wanted to do but could not do in the past due to my self-centered, selfish and self-seeking behaviors.
It is a strange feeling, I can see myself doing more and more selfless loving acts for my family now but I can still catch myself speaking like the old me at times when I was with friends and colleagues. I can still see that same destructive person still alive inside me even though I did not act out in destructive ways. This is a concern because I know that if I only stop gambling but everything about me did not change, it will send me back to gambling in the end.
I am real happy and grateful that there was improvement and change in my behaviors and life but at the same time, I feel that I was still in early recovery until I am change not only on the outside but also inside.
It will take longer to see more changes deep inside, I need to persist all the way to the end.
There is hope!
