Hi velvet
Thanks for your reply. I have been feeling unsettled recently although I appear to be doing the’ right things’ in the main. I suppose the frustration I feel will have little place to go as long as my ex is an active CG. I do look after me much more than a few months ago and although my daughter is generally happy I have been struggling to come to terms with the fact that unfortunately my exs addiction will impact on our daughter to some extent because that is the nature of addiction. The very ugly truth. Not what I intended. She has been affected by it although she doesn’t know this yet and it is very difficult to remain calm with this knowledge. I know I will continue to try and protect her as much as possible.
My ex does make contact to see her although in all of this he is not a ‘real dad’ as he cannot have any real responsibility. I do not ask his opinion or lay anything out there that could be manipulated by him. Hence he can only ever have a limited relationship whilst gambling. He is gambling less over the past few weeks I would say from his behaviour acting normally and being reasonable. I have told him his gambling does impact on our daughter as I think he believes it doesn’t. He also still thinks he can control his gambling as he said all he is doing is a bet on the football on a Saturday ( I obviously doubt this. It will spiral again even know if this is the intention for a while). I cannot believe he still says these things and actually believes them.
There is a correlation between his gambling activity and focus on our daughter. His gambling is less intense so he has more attention on our daughter. He has been turning up when he should for around 5 weeks which is good for him .He now wants to take her away overnight. I know as always just because he says this and intends it it may not happen but I have concerns about him doing this which I have expressed to him. All of this was surprisingly acknowledged by him without childish remarks, although I told him he didn’t take any responsibility for our daughter ( I don’t give him any opportunity too!) Which he didn’t agree with ( oh the blinkers on a cg)!! and this is where I get frustrated with the situation. What is he up to now? It becomes very tiring and I am at a loss of how to deal with the ever changing face of a CG . he is operating within agreements within the main although does try to test and change still. I get annoyed with myself as I prepare myself with every possible scenario I have either experience of or can think of when arrangements are made, try and anticipate any problems that may arise. For example meeting half way with our daughter rather than him bringing her back. I am then prepared next time but literally I can’t think of everything. And will be thrown off guard. The reality is once his gambling is more intense our daughter will get less focus . This is where the reality and ugly of the addiction will impact on our daughter. Can anyone offer advice about this? Am I getting this all wrong?!!
Now this ould just be a characteristic of my exs personality but I know when he doesn’t gamble he is Mr helpful, reasonable etc and Mr arrogant difficult when he gambles.
I have been able to express some of my concerns about the impact his gambling has on our daughter . this is because he was receptive. I have answered my own previous question on how to communicate. I can’t unless he will hear it. I can only act.!!
Any input gratefully received!!
Thanks as always m