For what it’s worth I think you’ve done the best thing by posting here. We all have to learn that life is not a bed of roses once we’ve managed to stop gambling.
If there is no one you can confide in, the samaritans can be a life saver. Anything is better than escaping back to gambling mate.
I’ve spoken to the samaritans many times mate, not necessarily because I felt I was suicidal, just because I know talking helps.
Take care Micky.
Geordie.