I know it feels like it is all about the money … but the amounts are not real. Money was not real to me when I was gambling it was just a means to getting the hit. If I had had more money then it would probably meant I would have taken longer to look for help.
Looking back – I am most pissed about the time I wasted. Not just watching a wheel go around or fruits spinning, but the time I then had to spend earning enough to keep going, the time I had to spend making deals, sorting out credit arrangements. At one point I was working 6 jobs just to keep ahead of the debt repayments!
Now I am walking in Donegal in Ireland – and my decision in the morning is whether to go East into the mountains or West onto the coast. No more flashing lights for me.
Now I am realising my gambling free dream – yours may well be a different one, but it is there available to you once you start on your recovery.
Ban yourself from where you gamble, try and limit your access to money and keep yourself busy away from temptation – and get help. I hope the clinic comes through soon. I wish you well.