Managed some work today. Output was at around 65% which is a damn sight better than what it has been lately. Time to start walking again (thanks Vera for the heads up!) and time to get my clothes in the laundry. I have nothing clean to wear and must look half insane by now when I do go out side.
I did go out to the shop. Bought my “dinner” all unhealthy hand food. Makes you feel tired all this junk food. Tomorrow at least I will do 1 thing and try to modify my diet. Bottled water – fresh fruit, no starch and defo need to try go gluten free! In the past when I have done junk food detox it did help. So what have I got to loose ??
Meeting up with my father tomorrow he coming over with my brother. Will spend a few hours with him. I am looking forward to that.
I know I am prone at the moment to wild mood swings (but I know I am not bi-polar) and I have a delecate balance that can be easily disturbed and can lead me into the waiting claws of the online casinos. Well I had a date last week. First one in an age. Met her online. The night went well we even kissed. Then nothing. I wont chase …. but it made me think about how hard it is sometimes to be single in a world seemingly full of couples.
The above got to me and made me think about many things lacking in my life and how I try to replace that lacking and those mega black holes with the even emptier hole of gambling. I need to understand fully the thought processes of what gets me to gamble – if I can accomplish that maybe just maybe I stand a chance of reprogramming myself to circumnavigate as many triggers as possible And trust me I have 100s if not 1000s of triggers that can lead to my embracing my addiction.
Earned a bit of money today. Lost none. Its not what I need but its something. I really hope I can sleep tonight. 2.12am wide awake and wired. Been drinking canned cola (without vodka) thinking about my mother. I miss her deeply.