An all too familiar tale. And reminds me of the utterly pathetic situations I would end up in time and time and time again. I’ve read your thread since you first came back, following the three month gambling break you had from posting on GT once you’d managed to get 175 days under your belt.
Mate you said you relapsed then, and now you’ve relapsed again after 15 days. What is it that you have relapsed from?
I understand you, just like me, are an addict but do you really believe that you were truly in recovery from it? You went back to gambling that was your choice.
Full credit to you for getting the 175 days, but if after about 6 months without gambling, you make to a conscious decision to go and place a bet knowing fine well you are an addict and powerless against gambling, knowing how it had continually fckd your life up prior to the 175 days. What is different, what have you relapsed from?
Eraser I’ve done it myself many times, too many times to add up, that’s not recovery mate, a long period of abstinence but nothing new, except the length of time between your bets. That doesn’t mean that anybody who gambles isn’t in recovery, but to say you’ve had a slip or a relapse after gambling for months on end is utter crap in my mind. Even your gambling yesterday I don’t think should be referred to as a relapse, you’ve got a bet on for today mate you’re chasing losses.
Getting a payday loan is also ridiculous man, even if you don’t gamble it you are not facing up to your problem. During the 175 days and during the last 15 you mention getting urges to gamble. The desire to gamble for a CG, is one of three components required to go and place a bet, the other two being time and money. So with the payday loan and the desire to gamble you have 2 out of 3, I suspect with an early start at work (probably getting paid a lot less than the payday loan), you will also have the time. How are you going to prevent yourself gambling further?
I’m sure it was on this thread that you mention self-exclusion and how you now travel 12 miles to put a bet on. You mention that an addict will always find a way to get a bet on, well that is only true if that addict wants to. Someone who lives in recovery doesn’t want to put a bet on, unless there is something not quite right in their recovery, so for the occasions when something might just end up being “not quite right” it pays to be self-excluded from as many places as possible. It pays to have barriers in place.
I can tell you from my own experience as a lifelong compulsive gambler that abstinence and fighting regular urges is hard and unpleasant, when you successfully fight off an urge there is no denying you get a feeling of accomplishment, but it is shite. Those who say that fighting the urges becomes easier are still waiting for the penny to drop in my opinion. That cannot be recovery. If you are still getting the urge to gamble then there are still underlying problems that you need to address I would think.
Recovery on the other hand gives you freedom and liberation. I am aware that the addiction still lives somewhere deep inside me, it doesn’t bother me I live with it. I don’t fight it every day because I don’t have to. Because I face up to my problems and I talk honestly and opennly about all and sundry. There is great benefit in opening up.
I have been called patronising and condescending by different people on GT over the years, and I cannot deny that my posts sometimes paint that picture. There are not many stunts pulled, or lies told where gambling is concerned, that I havn’t done at some stage in my life. Nothing was safe from me whoever it belonged to. I have a great deal of sympathy for people who are trying to quit for the first or second time, maybe even the third or fourth. And a great deal of empathy with all CG’s. But I can’t do namby-pamby, “there there never mind’s”. I had that reception too many times in my life it did not do me any good.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve had over a thousand “day 1’s”
For me recovery is a wonderful thing, but in order to get into recovery I’ve had to put lots of barriers in place, just in case.
I appreciate you can’t get anybody to handle your finances but there are things that you can do to safeguard your salary. You could get paid into a deposit or savings account with no debit card and set up a weekly standing order to your debit card account for instance.
Eraser listen man. I must have met hundreds if not thousands of CG’s over the years and I’m not naïve enough to think that you will learn from mine or anybody elses mistakes, I’m yet to meet an addict that has. You can learn from your own. To get into recovery you’re going to have to.
I havn’t seen you mention any support except GT, are you looking for any? GT isn’t here as a primary source of support I’m fairly certain that it is intended to supplement any other support you may be getting.
There is no reason why you can’t make your next day 1 your last day 1. Otherwise you might end up that skint you cant feed the dog. I don’t think you’ve hit the bottom yet if I’m honest. Most people have to before they’re ready to finally take things seriously.
Stop now mate, before you’ve got nowt. It’s progressive as you know it gets worse and worse. When will you be satisfied? When you’ve no boiled rice left and have to eat the dog food? When you’ve no car and no job? In my eyes mate that is the way its heading for you, I hope I am wrong. (wouldn’t be the first time).
Prove me wrong man, stop this shit now.
You do not have to gamble, whats the worst thing that will happen if you dont get the next bet on?
Whats the worst that will happen if you do?
Over and out.
Geordie.