Believe it or not Andi, Love and Honesty were high on my Life List too. Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes CGs are very hurt. Some gamble to hurt others, but mainly we hurt ourselves .There is a self destruct button in my brain. When I press it I become Somebody Else. It’s impossible to explain. It’s like as if the rest of the world is switched off. Every time I gamble I enter a Bubble. A Lone Zone.I see it all around me in casinos. Lots of people staring at machines oblivious to the person sitting beside them.Mobile phones ringing and being ignored is a sure sign that there is a loved one out there calling him/her to please come home. The ringer is knocked off. How loving and honest is that?I even experienced the Fire Alarm going off. Not one person left their machine. All sitting staring, like robots. Waiting to be burned to death!
Am I a robot? Am I Mrs Somebody Else?
Not in real life, but in the casino I become that Other Person. I don’t want to be real. I don’t want to be seen. I cover my face so I won’t be caught on camera. I become the Invisible Woman. It suits me to be totally alone . I feel safe because I know that the gamblers on either side will have no interest in entering my zone because they are secure in their own buzz, safe in the knowledge nobody will invade their space. Except those damn phones that keep ringing out and the floor guy asking if you want a drink . Why doesn’t he stay behind the desk and stop torturing me? CGs don’t want food and drink . We are robots, remember. We feel nothing. We don’t even want money after a while. Only the buzz. The thrill. The high. The reels. The Spins. That’s all……..
And by the way, those secret chuckles ALWAYS end in tears.
Gambling is great when you’re on a roll and winning But being served chips tea and pizza that you know is going to cost you a grand that you don’t have ,soon takes the novelty away.
There is a downside to this “High Life” that I doubt you will ever see in print. Writing it down would be too painful. It’s easier to speak “tongue in cheek” language. Easier to leave on the mask.
I cannot generalize of course but inside those casinos there are lots of lost and lonely people who are dishonest with themselves and have long forgotten how to give or receive love. Sad and soul less.
What a price to pay for a night’s fun.
Gambling comes with a high price tag Andi and the money is the least expensive part.
I hope my post on Jilly’s thread did not upset or offend you.
That is never my intention when I post.
