You have a choice in how you think about things. You can choose to look back and see how things have messed up – or you can choose to look forward to a gambling free life.
I know it is not easy – but the past is done with and cannot be changed, it may feel like a nightmare but in reality you are here and now surviving and it is just your thoughts that are pulling you down. So change them. If you are finding that hard to do – talk to someone and if you are seriously finding hard to go on – talk to a help-line (Samaritans if you are in the UK) or your GP.
You are young with a family to enjoy over the years. Focus on looking after them (not forgetting yourself) and working on your recovery by writing here and / or on chat. Take care of yourself – you are important.