I totally understand the lies,gambling, going on holiday,stealing from your child and feeling like you don’t know who the person is.
I was with my husband for 10 years and I separated from him weeks ago but have now consulted a lawyer and have told my ex it is over. I can’t live with this addiction anymore. Gambling does not just affect the gambler.It destroys the family too.
Tears, I am heart broken and feel like my world fell apart when my bank contacted me by text at 3am on a Sunday morning in April to ask me if I recognised transactions on my account. As I said No, I didn’t realise my ex husband was downstairs online with the laptop, as the bank were texting me. He had stole my bank cards from my purse and was using these, clearing out my accounts. I was advised to contact the fraud team. I had no idea it was him.
That was the third time I knew of in 4 years .
The first time was £7000 from our wedding fund. Gone and I had been with him for 6 years and had no idea he was a CG. 16 months later, more gambling. And another year after that 30,000 debt with credit cards,payday loans, loans and my wages, including our children’s birthday money.
I realised I cannot change him. He has to want to stop gambling and attending meetings will only work if you take on the support and be honest in the rooms.But you have to want to quit and for my husband, he has still not hit “rock bottom”.Often what I have heard other CG tell me about when they talk about their stories/recovery. My ex still does not believe he is beat. Until then, I have to walk away as I too cant live with my purse under my pillow, the constant doubt, the losing my mind as he made me believe I was in the wrong, with his lies being very believable.
My advice is to look after yourself and your son. I know how difficult it is , honestly I do as I have 3 children too and they have all been affected.
I know some CG who have been bet free for years and others who relapse then try then relapse again. The support is there but you have to want to stop.
Ive often asked myself “Why wasnt I enough, our family, nice house, car but yet the gambling always came first”. Like an affair but with the bookies. Deceit, betrayal, compulsive liar and a hurt and pain that tears you apart as you blame yourself for not managing well enough or not doing enough . But you never caused him to gamble, you cant change his behaviour and you are not responsible for him. he is an adult and you deserve to live without anxiety and nervousness and not to be betrayed by a secretive addiction that has terrible consequences.
I truly feel what you are going through. Im there with you.