Lizbeth, SarahJ and Kin thanks for your posts and support always nice to read.
I am on my lunch break from work so thought it would be a good time to update, so after my wifes issue with sepsis and being in hospital for a long period of time she is back home safe and recovering really well. It’s been really tough and emotional, I didn’t go to work for 3 weeks as my kids were in a right mess with it all and in truth I was also, my lad is 11 and he seemed to handle it better than my daughter who is 8, although my boy is good at hiding his emotions! The problem being is I work long hours and although I love them very much they have there mother their for everything, while my wife was in hospital I grew to know my kids again did everything with them and it’s amazing to see how close they became to me again because I was the only one there, also my children were both I’ll in the time my wife was in hospital and just wanted mummy as kids always do, some nights once I had got the kids to sleep I would cry alone just in despair (not from gambling) just from all the worry grief and pain that was going on around me, I didn’t gamble for weeks and in truth I just had way to much going on, I prayed as I always do and in truth I know it is a mirace my wife is still alive and recovering well, I won’t share the whole story but in short got turned away from the hospital 3 times and doctors once each time I had to carry my wife out because she could not walk I could tell she was dieing as I know her so well you could see the life draining from her body and doctors and consultants kept saying it was just a viral thing.
I kept pestering and going back 4 different people in 36 hours and still be told go home rest she will get better, the last time she couldnt move, talk and looked deathly, I said to her I have to take you to the hospital again as this just isn’t right she looked at me and just about managed to say don’t move me leave me here I can’t move……………I cried picked her up and carried her to the car drove up to the hospital again and on the way my wife’s phone rings and was showing (16 missed calls) she hadn’t been using it and I never touch it however it rang again and I answered it and was just about to tell someone to Foxtrot Oscar and it was a consultant from the hospital saying we urgently need to see your wife there has been a mix up with her bloods and she is dangerously I’ll. ……….to which I answered no shit……….anyway the rest is history……..
I can’t get certain parts out of my head and have been having nightmares about the night she was so I’ll and in so much pain………I know this will pass in time and just need to work on myself and get myself back into a good mental place being honest while all this was happening I looked after my kids and wife but let myself slip as just didn’t have the time.
Anyway I have used up all my miracles for the rest of my life and in fairness that’s fine because I still have the women I love with all my heart and always will, I may be many things in life compulsive gambler being one of them but to name a few however I know for a fact I am also a loving husband and loving farther who would do anything for my wife and children!
Day 2 gamble free and just for today I will not gamble………the temptation is always there I can’t lie but just for today I have a hole to get out off and that’s exactly what I am going to do.
My very best to you all and as always wish you all well.
Maverick