Lizbeth,
Just as I have identified people putting me down is a trigger for me I think maybe worrying is a trigger for you . Could you on some level want a big win to get your family away from danger ? Or perhaps you just want to escape the worrying for a little while.
I feel gutted for you and I don’t suppose any amount of advice is going to tell you anything you don’t already know . Just be kind to yourself Lizbeth – forgive yourself And try to move on .
You are not horrible or useless – and you are a great role model of love and caring, for your children – which is the best kind of role model any of us can hope to be
Remember each of us are so much more than a stupid addiction xx