Liz it sounds as if the situation has been a role reversal with your Grandson where you have been the parent and your daughter is the Grandmother. It is our job as Grandparents to spoil our grandchildren and their parents to tell us not to. I remember when my kids were young saying to my mother that my kids could not have or do something, I cant remember exact details, but she said I am their Granny and it’s my job to spoil them. LOL I know we can spoil our Grandchildren while at the same time letting them know what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. It is good the way things have turned out that you are not living as close to your daughter as it makes it easier to not be right there when she calls. It is difficult to know what your daughter is going through as well. You mentioned that she had a drug problem and was not their for her son, so I am sure that she is carrying some guilt with that and it could be part of the reason that she does not discipline him. I know that I have had a weight problem all my life and if my mother mentioned that I should try and lose weight I would get defensive even though I knew it was true. I notice that my daughter, who is also overweight is the same if I mention losing weight to her. There is the old saying about hurting the ones we love. I believe that we know those who love us will forgive us. It is not right to treat our loved ones like that, but quite often that is what happens. I am not condoning how your daughter has treated you as it is not acceptable. I know that working on barriers has really helped me understand what is acceptable to me and the way I will be treated. Also going to a counsellor and learning why certain things upset me as they are against my value or morals. I never like to see a child used as a pawn in a relationship and that is what your daughter is doing when she is saying that you will see your grandson on her terms. However, that may just be her speaking in anger and she probably does not mean it. One of my sons always says two wrongs don’t make a right. I am sorry that you are hurting right now. I know that there are times when I have been angry that I have said things I regret, and who knows your daughter may be feeling that way. I think there are always challenges in relationships when it comes to families. I know that I sometimes keep my mouth shut when I would love to say something, but later when things have cooled down I do let them know that they hurt me.
