Dear diary
I woke up at 3am today and cannot get back to sleep. I was still reflecting on the teaching of letting God fight the battle for me, and accepting anything that God gives me, and living life on life ‘s term in recovery.
This message came to me:
Numbers 1-3
The People Rebel
1Then all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night. 2All the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron; and the whole congregation said to them, “Would that we had died in the land of Egypt! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! 3″Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become plunder; would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?”…
I have question my faith and confidence in God many times. There are many events in the last 4 years, where my situation was very depressing, unfortunates, painful, and stressful, frustration, disappointment and suffering are still a part of life. I did not want my life to be like this.
My tolerant level was very weak, I become very anxious and impatient, I wanted to change everything immediately by gambling or eating and taking alcohol.
In recovery, it was the same, during difficult times, I question what I was doing when I go abstinence from all form of acting out and destructive ways.
I was not God, I did not finish my work all the way.
In life and in recovery, I STOP staying stop from all form of acting out and destructive ways many times. I did not want to take hardship, I did not want to accept any suffering and pain in my life. I didn’t care anymore. I forget why I was in recovery in the first place, I could not sacrifice myself for the LOVE of important people in my life.
I become selfish, self-centered and self-seeking.
Today, in life, I am learning how to accept anything that God gives me. Do not trust myself, trust only God. In recovery, I am learning how to live life on life ‘s term, not my term.
Many times, I complicate matters and got myself into more and deeper troubles because I listen to my head.
I need to finish my work all the way. I need God to help me do what I cannot, I need God given wisdom, strength and courage to do that.
Freedom From the Chain of Addiction;
(John 8:32) “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Freedom From Fear
Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
Freedom From Sin
Acts 10:43 “To Him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through His name.”
Romans 6:6-7 “We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.”
1 Corinthians 10:13b “God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”